on getting married and leaving

as we are all going different places in our current point of our lives....my dearest girl pals...i jus wanna say i've never known how much i actually am reliant on ur support...to be honest...i've been really low for the last 4 or 5 months...and i think the peak of it came around nov/dec last year..and it really peaked just before xmas..and so on here i thank Dean for being jus the person to listen..even wen i called him like so suddenly at like i duno...12am on night...and simply for listening and being there listening to me crying on the phone...i love him for jus it. the simplest thing. and for the rest of you...tam, jia, renee, jeannie, trace..thank u for jus being around and being jus the people i've come to be so dependant on for the privilege of being happy.

if only u have an idea of what jus a silly little session we have makes me happy....u'll be pleasantly surprised...it actually doesnt take much to make jo happy..and yet...like jia says...sometimes its a temporary thing..as all emotions can be....temporal...and so..jus before going to bed at nite....i tend to think alot about everything as well..and i suppose..sometimes the more i think, the more depressed i get..but i'm much better now..esp after New Years and all..cuz in a sense..i guess i am starting to jus find my place here again...

and the shock i sent to u all with my talk about me getting married. the funny thing is...u know...wen talk of it all started and sorta got confirmed...i suddenly felt an immense feeling of fear..simply cuz i din know if i really could tell myself.."ok jo..this is it...u are gonna be leaving this time indefinitely until...u are ready for u and ur husband to come back SG"..which is such an unscheduled event..it really annoys me at the same time...so...yea..as much as this whole settling down with one man thing was something that i wanted...in a sense wen i was in the position to put my foot down and make that decision....i think i really got cold feet.....

that much said..i think i have made my peace with myself at this point and wanna take things a little at my pace instead of going on a supersonic pace...which totally would have made me lose control over what i so am trying to keep together...

jus an insight into my everyday thoughts and what goes on thru my mind.....i know sometimes i can get really philosophical and tho my entries may not be as bright and cheery...i think baring my soul on this blog is a really good way sometimes to get in touch with myself and to jus let u all know what;s going on in my mind and life....

i tend to be kinda detached from things...which is really the me...that u all never really knew..rite? yah la...that's why smarty miss joanne ting still remains a mystery to many today ma!!!! kaoz